Just beneath the surface,
Waiting all the time..
Nerves and bottled problems,
Playing on the Line.
One step across the boundary,
It all just falls away.
No resolute, confidence,
No 'I'm OK' charade.
It spreads across my body,
Prickles under my skin..
It's inside, in my mind,
This demon.. I can't win.
My breathing becomes shallow,
I yearn to stop the tears.
It plays with every weakness,
It taunts, it glares, it leers.
This monster that's inside me,
Loves to come and play.
Beating me completely,
promising to stay.
So desperate for silence,
I try to ignore my curse..
My solitude will never last,
Each time it just gets wor
i'm sorry,
but we can't talk.
not now, not ever.
because i may say
something i'll
regret later.
because i may make
you feel very
uncomfortable.
because i may just
stop breathing for
the rest of the day.
because i may upset
you and you'll run
away forever.
i hope you understand
i'm only doing this
for your own good.
it's not really for me.
i can just feel it.
and it's not good.
my throat tenses up.
my head throbs around.
my fingertips stop feeling.
i'll stop wishing i were
here and start wishing
i were in the ground.
six and a half feet under
would be much better
than speaking out loud.
silence escapes my lips
as
I'm silenced
An invisible, intangible gag in my mouth
A pit of self-consciousness I need to get out
I build up my courage and then it flies south
I'm afraid
Of what might pour out and smother you
I don't wish to frighten with suggestions of two
But I've scared myself now with the conclusions I drew
I'm locked
In a miserable cage I built by myself
Along with true feelings I'm forced now to shelf
Alone with my words for you, feeling like filth
Still silenced
To this day, your presence keeps me at bay
Ready, always but always unable to say
Hoping I can one day will my anxiety away
Current Residence: dunno Favourite genre of music: Rock or whatever apeals at the moment Favourite style of art: whatever appeals at the moment Operating System: my laptop :/ MP3 player of choice: my laptop :/ Shell of choice: my laptop :/.....? Skin of choice: fried 0-0 Favourite cartoon character: Tom Personal Quote: IDK :(
Favourite Visual Artist
many people on here and Monet
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
too many to put
Favourite Writers
N/A
Tools of the Trade
Pencil, Paper, Ink and Pen,My laptop which happens to own a touch screen
o wait that was yesterday :( but nvm I got to go shopping!!:3 I swear'll update but i'm to lazy to upload and school is bothersome so I can't finish anyyythinggg I also turned 18 some time ago and now i feel old
-end rant
It was yesterday actually but i'm a bit slow so yeah XD. I finally got time to update though! I blame school for not being active :3 i've decided to major in chem and minor in art.